Relationship and Family Issues

Relationships with family, intimate partners, roommates, and friends can provide emotional support that can help a student be successful in school. However, there are times when a relationship that is supposed to be supportive can cause a student stress. Here you will find resources to help you determine if you are in a healthy relationship and things you can do to promote healthy relationships.

If you determine that you are in an unhealthy relationship and you need help or if you are a victim of sexual harassment or sexual assault, reach out to Student Counseling Services to get the support that you need.

Title IX (1972) is a federal law that protects your civil rights against sexual misconduct, sexual harassment, gender based discrimination and violence on campus. Learn more about your rights from our Title IX office.

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Return to the Self-Help Library

Are Your Relationships Healthy?

Healthy relationships allow for individuality, bring out the best in both people, and invite personal growth through negotiation, compromise and validation of the other person’s feelings and rights. We do not have the right to make another person feel threatened, scared or controlled by fearful behaviors or language.

Components of a Healthy Relationship
Healthy Boundaries - Being able to communication your wants and needs openly and honestly without being threatened, name-calling, or given ultimatums.

Trust and Respect - Having trust in a relationship means that you feel safe with someone and that you are secure in the fact that they will not hurt you. Respect means different things, depending on the type of relationship you are talking about. Respect for an authoritative figure (your parents or a professor) would look different than respect for an equal (your partner or friend). In general, respect is listening to and valuing each other’s needs and expectations.

Communication - Is being able to express your wants and needs as well as listen to and process the wishes of another person with whom you have a relationship.

Compromise - Healthy intimate relationships demonstrate the ability to compromise and negotiate for an agreed upon solution which is fair and realistic to both parties. After a decision is reached a brief follow up on whether it is working is recommended, generally about two weeks later and revisions can be made as needed.

Self-Assessments: Relationships & Needs

General Relationships

Parent and Family Relationships

Intimate Partner Relationships

Friendships

Family Issues

Issues With Parents and Family
Dysfunctional Family Patterns (PDF)

Dealing With Health Issues of a Loved One
Do you worry about how much a loved one drinks? How has your life been affected by growing up in a home with addiction?

Grief includes a process called Anticipatory Grief, when grieving begins prior to an actual loss.

The best thing you can do to mitigate the stress of family worries is to take care of you! Self-care and good sleep are crucial. Exercise, eating healthy, and getting restful sleep are protective factors against stress and illness.

Being a Caregiver and Dealing With Grief
Being in college is hard enough, but it is made significantly more stressful when worries arise about chronic illness of a loved one. Here are some resources that may be helpful:

Ambiguous Loss is another type of loss, defined by Dr. Pauline Boss as a loss which remains unclear and has no closure; it can be physical or a psychological loss, based on a relationship.

Again, the best thing you can do to mitigate the stress of family worries is to take care of you! Self-care and good sleep are crucial. Exercise, eating healthy, and getting restful sleep are protective factors against stress and illness.

Issues with Your Intimate Partner

Relationship Problems

Surviving a Breakup and Dealing With Rejection

Intimate Partner Violence
Sexual Consent

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Understanding Abuse

Abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional and/or financial. It is about one partner controlling another. Even the threat of violence exerts power.

Issues with Friends and Roommates

Additional Self-Help Resources

Apps & Podcasts

Podcasts for Intimate Partner Violence:

Books

by John Gottman, Ph.D.
In The Relationship Cure, Dr. Gottman: Reveals the key elements of healthy relationships, emphasizing the importance of what he calls “emotional connection”; Introduces the powerful new concept of the emotional “bid,” the fundamental unit of emotional connection; Provides remarkably empowering tools for improving the way you bid for emotional connection and how you respond to others’ bids. Packed with fascinating questionnaires and exercises developed in his therapy, The Relationship Cure offers a simple but profound program that will fundamentally transform the quality of all of the relationships in your life.
by Harlen Cohen.
The book offers a straightforward and empowering approach to finding love. Harlan Cohen helps you face your fears and reframe how you look at dating and relationships.
by Harlan Cohen
This is the #1 bestselling book on college life. This is your behind-the-scenes look at everything you need to know about college (but never knew you needed to know).
by Harlan Cohen
Helps students navigate all the changes they will face in college. Each exercise and activity is designed to help students prepare, plan, and create the very best college experience.
by Harville Hendrix
Dr. Harville Hendrix presents the relationship skills that have already helped hundreds of thousands of couples to replace confrontation and criticism with a healing process of mutual growth and support. This extraordinary practical guide helps couples create a program to resolve conflict and renew communication and passion.
by Amir Levine & Rachel S.F. Heller. Amir
Levine and psychologist Rachel S. F. Heller reveal how an understanding of attachment theory-the most advanced relationship science in existence today-can help us find and sustain love.
by Gregory W. Lester, Ph.D.
This book gives practical help in knowing how to deal with difficult people and conflict resolution
by Susan Elliott JDMEd
This book gives practical advice about “No Friend Zone” immediately after a breakup and writing your own relationship inventory to evaluate where your needs were or were not getting met.
by Dr. David Hawkins.
This book gives insight by a couple’s psychologist into what are patterns of emotional abuse including manipulation/blaming as well as setting boundaries.

Relaxation & Mindfulness

: Exercises M1 through M10 are often interconnected. While they can been done separately, it may be beneficial to try various exercises outside of the ones explicitly recommended here:
(YouTube)
Insight Timer:

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